Beautifully Irrational

So, a bunch of the jewelry stuff that I ordered arrived today. It is very pretty. I am just waiting on the crystal beads to arrive, but they are coming from overseas and will have to clear customs, so I figure another week or so for them. In the meantime, I am planning supply orders as money comes in, and setting goals.

The biggest one that I have is to save enough to pay for my summer tuition. If I don't I won't be able to attend, as my husband works at the college (but not for it) and likely will be laid off all summer, again. That means I need to raise $1800, because there are classes in my degree program that are only offered in the summer session, such as Parasitology.

As I mentioned, my eBay and jewelry stuff will be going to that goal. I am not going to count what I have spent so far, but everything I make or spend from now on will go toward my goal. (And I made a nice little visual to keep myself on track.)



I have about $200 worth of supplies that I want to order as soon as I get the money, and I have to replace my dremel, unfortunately, but I have some nice pieces planned/started. It is helping with my current level of depression to make things and accomplish things. I like that.


______________

Also, Spring Break is a few weeks away, which means some of my classes will be ending for the semester. That means more hours at work (which is good)....

That's all for now :)

So after a long time talking about it and a couple of helf-hearted efforts toward doing it, I am working on starting a home-based business. I'd love for a thousand dollars to just magically appear before me in the next thirty-six hours, so that I can run full-tilt at this, but alas that is unlikely to happen. I hate doing this piece-meal, because I don't want to overextend myself money or time wise, as I tend to do when I get impatient. I can do it, though, and I keep telling myself that.

It's important because DH and I really could use the extra income. Perhaps our crappy jobs wouldn't be so bad if we weren't living paycheck to paycheck, if I wasn't trying to figure out how to make summer tuition so that I'm not going to be stuck in this rut forever. Pessimistic? Perhaps. I do have a plan though.

////Also, I have had plans for an actual business for years that DH and I talk about on an almost daily basis. The idea of actually being able to open/run it is one off the few things that helps keep him sane. I hope to be able to eventually do that////

I do have a large inventory of Hermit Crab supplies and shells, etc, that I got a huge deal on (practically a steal) from a store that was going out of business. I am going to push that all on ebay and an on-line storefront until it it gone! it is essentially all profit, provided I don't majorly undercharge on shipping (as I have done in the past).

Next, I am going to start making jewelry again to sell. Expect to see a bit of that in coming weeks as I finish a few pieces for amireal and a few others as I can afford to buy new supplies and put them together. I used to make quite a lot of various jewelry, and sell it (and a few other craft and sewing projects) at festivals in the area, and there seems to be a good market for the type of stuff that I do the most (reproduced and repurposed vintage-type costume jewelry).

That's what I want the thousand dollars for (yes, I know it's not going to happen, but a girl's gotta wish). That would set me up with a very nice selection of supplies, crystals, beads, wire, findings and more. Still, I am finding some decent pieces; it's just that they are pieces here and there - a brooch, some findings, a couple of crystals. It's a little frustrating when I want to be creative NOW.

I think I'm on a creative streak, in general.

Anyway that's what's up with me lately, and why I am currently not sleeping (or studying for my dreaded biochem test, or catching up on my clinical chem assignments).

I spent the afternoon photographing microscopic sections of Cricket Testis. How was your day?

With two days left to the deadline, I am considering another attempt at NaNoWriMo. It seems foolish as I am 0 for 3, and I have less time than ever lately, but I have faced the fact that as much as I love writing and the idea of being a writer, I don't do the "work" of being a writer. I write as inspiration takes, and many times a story doesn't make it from my head to the page even then, or I scribble down my outlines and plot ideas and they go nowhere, as if once the initial spark of inspiration is extinguished, I am unable to prop up the frame of the plot with support structures of words and chapters, let alone the decorative details of sub-plots and plot twists. I tell a fairly straight forward tale, or character vignettes capturing the moment, but if it doesn't flow seamlessly from my head to my fingers, I don't really know what to do, how to write.

I think I can fix it. I could even be a very good writer, but it is so difficult to work at it, when there are so many distractions and responsibilities pulling at me. I think it's just time to put up or shut up, and I think that's what NaNo means for me.

Of course, I'm a gemini, so I'm still wavering in my resolve.

I've been hard at work on website stuff today and suddenly my harddrive died. Not the enclosure or the power source, the harddrive itself crashed, all 250 GB worth.

Everything was on there - All of my websites, my writings, 4200+ mp3 files, every image and screencap and texture and icon. I can't even begin to describe how bad it is and how sick I feel because of it.

Luckily, I didn't erase all of the files from the server, so I can redownload them and start that part of the process over, but it's days, weeks, worth of work gone. I am more worked up about everything else - everything gone.

I used it as my back up - literally, I had a folder named backup with a section for programs, e-mail, graphics settings, etc. My relatively new computer has no capacity for writing cds or dvds. The newest cd backup that I have are from 04 Jan 06 - 18 months ago.

Oh, God. I am so very, very, very, very screwed.

DH has been watching a Buffy marathon since school is out and he is now layed off for the summer. The good news is that he qualified for unemployment, which will get us by, as long as we don't need, say food or gas for the car, you know, extras like that. We have found some extra ways to bring in money though - like ebay, etc, so it's not so bad.

Livejournal is annoying me, though. My stylesheet hasn't been showing up for like a week. I think it's because I use an external sheet. My domain is fine, the link is good, and it's not a hotlinking problem, because icons and my mood theme are all good, so it's a lj thing. I want to redesign it anyway, and post the new stylesheet in the custom stylesheet box in the customization thing, but I don't have time right now.

I am hard at work on website stuff, with almost every waking moment working on renaming, moving, converting, uploading, or otherwise spindling files. I am going insane, but I have to be finished this week. This is taking too long, but it is a LOT of work.

I am sick - icky, nauseous, laying in bed, so that I don't throw up, sick. Occasionally, I play a game or read something on my laptop, in between naps. It is really, really boring, but my mind is numb, and I have the concentration span of a fruit fly.

Comment with interesting links... if you have any. I'm going to con DH ('dear husband' for all of you who didn't know what that meant, or thought it was really his initials) into making me some black tea.

Hey, everyone. This move is going well, and is almost finished. I am starting to settle in nicely at my new place, and have finally got internet at my new place. It's kind of glitchy, though, and keeps losing dial-tone. I am having a second line installed tomorrow, and since I will wire that jack with new wire, instead of the existing, hopefully that will take care of things.

Still no high-speed though. Guess that's what I get for living outside of town. I am still crawling along at 24-28kps. I need to explore alternatives, such as sattelite, but not until I know what Dh's employment situation is for the summer. Since he works at the college, and doesn't have seniority, he might be layed off for the summer. We won't know until next week.

One interesting thing about the move, is that I have come across a number of notebooks from years past. Some have missing chapters of some of my WIPs, some have outlines of stories that I worked up and never wrote, others are stories that I started and then abandoned for various reasons. It's quite interesting to read through some of them. Even if the writing isn't the best, I think the ideas are solid, and am interested in possibly trying to complete some of them.

I actually have a bunch of WIPs that I really would like to complete, but it really is so hard to get back into a story after that initial rush of inspiration. The actuall 'work' of writing is my weakness, and probably what is holding me back from becoming a professional writer, as I would like to be. I do pretty good with inspiration, and writing in great rushes, but I fail at sitting down and writing, just to write, or producing something on a regular basis, or expanding on my word counts beyond the central idea or image.

Despite knowing where I am going wrong (and seeing improvement on these issues over the last few years) I am really not sure whatto actually *do* about it.

I also have a new fandom love. I recently caught up on two new shows, Bones and Supernatual. I don't know why I didn't watch Bones from the beginning, as it is exactly the type of fiction that I prefer (and I've even read Kathy Reichs' books). I love it, but really, I have been blown away by Supernatual. The beginning was alright, though interesting, but by the end of the first season, I was hooked. The previously on... at the beginning of episode 21 to the tune of 'Carry On, My Wayward Son', totally Rocked and blew me away. I was singing that for days, and it still makes me smile. The latest episode, Heart... man... this show is awesome. I wish I had paid attention sooner, but then, I couldn't have mainlined almost two seasons.

Comment - let me know if I missed anything that I should see... Miss you guys.

later.

My computer is messing up and I don't know why. It's acting like it has a virus. It's moving very, very slow, and CPU usage is at 100%, even when I shut most of my programs down. McAfee says the computer is clean, and I've run AdAware 4 times. Help?

(After I used Adaware last night, it was running fine when I first got on-line this am. I think it's e-mail related. Yesterday and today, I had a large e-mail which wouldn't download, timing out the server. I went to my webmail and deleted it from there, unread. Both days, my problems seem to occur just after. I think the attachment is getting caught up in McAfee, and not downloading, but something is onviously getting through that McAfee doesn't recognize.)

As you may have noticed, there has been a marked lack of posting and commenting from me in the last few weeks. This is likely to continue for at least the immediate future. As I mentioned in my last post, we are in the process of moving. I've been spending a lot of time at the new house, which, until today, didn't even have electricity. Internet and/or phone service is still up in the air at this point. I need to decide by Friday whether I am going to continue with dial-up and an extra phone line, or take the plunge and get cable and cable internet. I need to decide if I really want the extra expense, since my husband may possibly be laid off for the summer (he works at the college). I'd really like the faster internet, as I currently do any major uploading/downloading at the college in town. Also, since we are down to just my laptop, computer-wise, cable might be a good investment for something to do around the house (hubby's computer and my old laptop both died within a few weeks of each other).

The point of my rambling is that I haven't had an internet connection, and am not likely to for the next while. I'll try to check in from time to time, and maybe try to kick this writer's block. Fortunately, I can do a lot of my coding and database work off-line, and then upload everything in a few hours at the college. That's kind of my current goal. I hope to have it completely finished on my end by May 1st. It's coming along nicely.

Feel free to leave me a message, and I'll answer them all as I can.

Happy Easter to those of that persuasion, and and a belated Oestara/Mabon to others...

I've complained a lot in the past about the horrible trailer that we have been living in for the last few years. Well, I put down a deposit and paid the first month on a new house today. We'll spend the next few weekends sorting through stuff and moving to a new home. I'm very happy about it.

It's not the best time for us financially, as we just bought a new vehicle, and were supposed to pay for the sales tax and new registration on Monday. We're about $300 short right now, but we couldn't pass up the opportunity. It's not the best place, as it needs some work, but it is so much nicer than our current situation, and even has a nice yard and garden.

I think I'm going to put a bunch of stuff up on eBay this weekend, if I get the time, to try and bring in a little money. I have a bunch of fan stuff, like collectible card games (Buffy, Yu-Gi-Oh, X-Files, Xena and Hercules, etc) a couple of new in box action figues (Vampire Angel, and a Vampire the Masquerade figure) and comic books (Wild Thing, Angel, Xena, etc.). If anyone is interested in first crack at these, just comment or drop me an e-mail.

I am just thrilled to have a new place, a new start. It's a couple of miles closer to town. We even have cell phone reception there, but it's still a bit rural, as much of Arkansas is. Maybe, I'll even be able to get a decent internet speed. So, wish us luck. I hope to come up with the expenses to move, but I am committed to it anyway. It is such a relief to be leaving this place behind, finally.

So, I went to the VA last Friday. I decided to bypass the ER and go straight to the Women's clinic to see if they could get me in. After sitting there and being ignored for most of an hour (they were busy), I pressed the issue and they said, that no, I should go to the ER, because they weren't able to see walk-ins, and even if they did, there was no guarantee that they would get my lab results back before the end of the day. Before I left, I did make sure to scheduele follow up appointments for the next available day (which was April 19th - 6 weeks away), which actually turned out to be pretty good foresight when it came to dealing with the ER and convincing them that I was serious about dealing with my problems.

( Cut for boring personal details )

Anyway, I am feeling better.

Wish me luck. We can't really afford it, but we are driving to Memphis today to go to the VA. My diabetes is really out of control and now I have a really bad UTI, and the symptoms are only getting worse. I am hoping that I will be able to see someone and get some antibiotics, insulin, and birth control pills. The Women's clinic is pretty deserted on Fridays though, and the ER will probably refer me down there. They'll probably try to refer me for an appointment, but Friday is the only day that my husband doesn't work, and it can take months to get an appointment through normal channels. I just hope that someone will see me today and help me. I hate going there and getting screwed around, but I have been having bad symptoms for almost a month and I can't take it any more.


On a better note, I haven't been around livejournal much this week, because I've been working on Heliopolis. The database for Helio2 is almost complete, and I have minions people working on helping me get the last bits sorted and validated. It should be ready in a couple of day. Only the main archive is left. I'm about cross-eyed from looking at code and database information.

It's after midnight here, and as such, it's Christmas Day. I hope that everyone is having a lovely holiday season, whatever their religious persuasion (or lack thereof).

The yuletide archive: While We Tell of Yuletide Treasure/Yuletide/The Obscure Fandom Secret Santa Project is now live, with over a thousand stories.

If you are at all interested in fan fiction, you should check the site out, as there are over five hundred fandoms represented, and it is an overall awesome experience.

I am thrilled to have been part of this experience.

Snagged from stellaluna_.

Rules:
Comment and I'll give you a letter. Then you have to list 10 things you love that begin with that letter. After, post this in your journal, and give out some letters of your own. Let me know if you want a letter.

( My letter from stellaluna_ was T. )

So far, the score is (NoNoWriMo 50,000 - me 0), I have no clue where to start, and all of the wonderful ideas that I have had in the last six weeks have fled the country. I'll give it 'til the weekend until I consider it a lost cause - because, hey, I may get wonderfully inspired tonight.

Though, I think that at least part of my lack of creativity has a physical cause, and I'm not making that up as an excuse. I am exhausted. I am normally an insomniac, but I am currently sleeping for way too many hours each day. I wake up to use the bathroom, or because I am starving, possibly play on the computer a bit, and then go back to bed. I have been mostly off of my meds since my miscarriage two months ago, and I think my diabetes is wreaking havoc on my system (I recently found a bottle of metformin that I had previously filled and began taking it again, but am out of insulin). I have got to go back to the doctor. I was waiting for DH to get insurance at his new job, as they told him would happen after 30 days, but now they say that he has to wait for a slot to open up. I should make the appointment to go to Memphis, but I hate dealing with them, and they will give me sh!t for not having been able to go before now.

I also signed up for yuletide, because despite my writing drought, individual pieces are actually somewhat inspiring, where my novel is only daunting. I did a survey last night of the offers and requests to date, and found that I had the following probability of being assigned a request in the fandoms I offerred for (# of requests - mine, if I made one / total number of offers). Of course, this is subject to change, based on whether or not the figures I used are accurate, and the fact that lots more people have probably signed up since last night.

Beverly Hills 90210 - 20%
Bound - 0%
The Breakfast Club - 10.4%
Bring it On - 11.1%
Dark Angel - 28.9%
Dead Poets Society - 10%
Dogma - 3.6%
Fame (movie) - 0%
Friends - 5.9%
Heathers - 0%
Josie and the Pussycats (movie) - 12.5%
Lone Gunmen - 27.2%
Real Genius - 11.1%
Silk Stalkings - 16.7%
Space Camp - 16.7%
Top Gun - 7.1%
Toy Soldiers - 28.6%
Law and Order universe - 45% (However, I only volunteered for SVU chaacters.)

edited after sign-ups closed to reflect total requests

Totally useless, information, I'm sure, but I like numbers, and I am interested to see what I get assigned and what I can do with it. I actually like ficathons, even when I am completely lost by the prompt, I generally perform well under pressure (contrary to the evidence of NaNo hell).

I also have to work on a letter to my Yuletide author, because that seems a nice thing to do, and I get to natter on about what I like to read and such, and a girl likes to get something for Christmas. (Right now, I am sincerely hoping to save up $400 for the after Thanksgiving sale at Wal-Mart to get a new laptop computer that I most definitely need.)

I also have some work to do on the RP community that I joined - Honestly, I have been so dead for like the last six days. Sunday, I got a few chores done, winterizing the house and such, and yesterday, I dressed up, and hung out at the college while DH worked and then went to Rocky Horror and then came home and crashed, other than a brief period this am, until about two hours ago. I am not kidding about the exhaustion, bit. (It was a nice Halloween though, and DH and I won a dozen free movie passes, between us, in the costume contest.)

I don't know - I am going to keep trying to write. Maybe, I'll write 50,000 words of fic, and just have to be happy with that.

Copied from: polly_b and elmyraemilie

Modern, Cool Nerd 73 % Nerd, 65% Geek, 34% Dork

For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored better than half in Nerd and Geek, earning you the title of: Modern, Cool Nerd. ( Read more... )

Borrowed from kaz814

It's early, with the holiday sesaon still 2 months away, but here is what I would like this year.


Step One

1. Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your LJ. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fun ("I'd love a Snape/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Hanukkah/Christmas/solstice is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.
2. If you wish for real possible things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.
3. Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ or blog so that the holiday joy will spread.

( Guidelines and my list )

Gakked from elmyraemilie

Ask me a question about each of the following:

1. Friends
2. Sex
3. Music
4. Drugs
5. Love
6. Livejournal

No matter how rude, sexual, or confidential. Then post this in your journal and see what questions you get asked.

"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?" - Ernest Gaines

We would like to know who really believes in gay rights on livejournal. There is no bribe of a miracle or anything like that. If you truly believe in gay rights, then repost this and title the post as "Gay Rights". If you don't believe in gay rights, then just ignore this. Thanks.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

Note: I copied this post from geonncannon, who made a very good point: 'I do hate having to call it "gay rights" though. Like they're not covered with the human rights we "normal" people are.'

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I am pretty openly bi-sexual. I happen to be married (to a man) currently, and hate to think that if it was a woman that I was in love with/committed to that it would somehow be deemed less or other, because it does not seem so to me, or to those who's partner is of the same sex as themselves.

Contrary to popular belief, marriage is a social contract, not a religious one, or it could not be performed by so often by the local justice of the peace, rather than a minister. We have just given religious groups the right to appoint members of their clergy as legal witnesses to this contract, so that members of a faith may uphold their traditions and beliefs when 'marrying'.

I am myself an ordained minister, with this legal right granted to me, as was my friend who stood as high priest at my handfasting, which I wrote, and who signed my marriage license, which I filed with the courthouse.

In the state of Texas (at least when I lived there as a teenager) there still existed a law that a couple need only represent themselves to a third party as married (such as signing a hotel registry) to be so, and yet, my best friend's mother and her (female) partner of many years have none of the legal rights of this institution. Why is that fair?

I think my modem died. I said, "I think," because it says it's fine, that it just has no dial tone. However, when I checked both lines (in and out of my surge protector) on a phone, it worked fine.

I don't know what to do about it. If it was the desktop, I'd just pop it open and slap a new modem in, but it's my laptop and I am understandably wary of opening it. I don't really know how to work on a laptop. It costs $50-$75/hour to have them worked on around here, and I certainly can't afford that.

I can go to town later or tomorrow and see if I can connect at the internet cafe, since it uses the other kind of connection (like cable modems), but I am pretty much screwed about connecting at home.

Any suggestions or advice?