Beautifully Irrational

I have been working my butt off the last few weeks in preparation for graduation, and that is why I have been largely absent. Today, some of that work paid off.

I have been working on getting a job, and last week I week I had an interview at a hospital a little over an hour south of here. As desperate as I have been to get any job (I got rid of our cell phones for a pay as you go phone last month, our cable internet was shut off this morning and we are behind on our rent desperate...) I REALLY wanted this job, because it seemed like a really good fit.

Today, I got the call for my background check, and tomorrow I go to do my drug screen/meet with human resources. I'll be making about $35,000 a year, with benefits starting the first day (insurance after 30 days).

This was such a huge relief - I am practically giddy. Now, I just have to finish up all of my assignments by Monday so that I can actually graduate.

Ok, most people would think I am crazy for loving playing with slimy, smelly, germy cultires of various body fluids and excretions, but I really am enjoying it, even if today was only my second day.

I also may have a line on a job, if the lab manager isn't sick of me yet. I keep going to her and talking to her about possible positions, and have made it very clear, that I am both extremely eager and extrememly desperate. Today, Diane, the head of the bloodbank made a suggestion that I should see about a PRN position, especially as one of the other employees is about to go on maternity leave.

There is a part-time/PRN specimen processing position open and I finish my micro rotation in about 3 weeks, which is about when Christie's maternity leave starts and Micro is her main department. I have my fingers crossed, so much, because it would get my foot in the door, and I would be working full time during the Christmas break, which is the same time that DH would be laid off, due to the school being closed.

I haven't had the best of luck job-hunting, because the positions keep disappearing. I really, really hope that something comes of this, but it will be a week or so before they even visit the question. I guess that's time to get my house in order (in the figurative and literal sense.

Today starts the 30 posts in 30 days blogathon, and already, I fail. Well, I did remember to post today, so, I guess that's one thing, but I can't think of what to say.

Ironically, today is also the first day of National Novel Writing Month. This is the first time since 2004 that I haven't made an attempt to participate (though, that, like everything else you see here, is subject to change.

I'm kind of depressed about my approaching graduation, which is weird. I am so behind on my homework that I'm going to fail, if I don't get my butt it gear, and yet, I can't seem to do it. I also have not paid this semester's tuition, nor, can I afford to, and we are on the very edge of getting evicted for not paying our rent. We are so broke and the job I interviewed for (that I need to graduate for) fell through. Not, that they hired someone elso... The job just went away.

*sigh* Even I don't want to be around me, I am so depressing.

I find myself living in my head again. Everyday, I think of so much that I would like to share, or an anectdote that I find amusing, and yet, I just can't find the time to sit down and type out those few simple words.

I am having a lovely time in my bloodbanking rotation. I have finished my first week and have just over 3 more to go. Everyone tells me how bored I would be doing my job, because it's much the same from day to day, but I am having a ball in blood bank, even when I am sometimes struggling with the concepts.

( Cut for the technical details )

I also finally got the Apartment Life expansion pack of SIMS2 installed on my computer, and have been doing some downloading and minor modding/adjusting of my game down, but despite my keen interest, haven't managed to actually play the game yet. I'd say that's pretty much par for the course for my life right now. I am so busy doing stuff that I am not finding time to get anything done.

I am constantly exhausted and feel like my to-do list is going to eat me alive. ((Despite actually working on my homework ahead of time this week, I forgot to turn in in on Thursday, threatening to sink my B in that class.)) I get up at "oh, my god, it's early" to be at the hospital by 5:30 or so in the morning, work until just after 2, and then walk home (about 25 minutes) check my email and relax for a few minutes and then am exhausted by 4pm or so. Sometimes, I take a nap, then work on my homework, until it is time to fall into bed for a few hours before it is time to do it all again.

I've gotten a little writing done in between things, and plan on making some more earrings tonight to take in with me tomorrow, as a couple of the girls bought some a few weeks ago, and I could really use the money.

I got my bill for this semester the other day. It's about $3500 due before graduation in December, and considering that we are about $1000 behind on our rent, I don't see that happening. *sigh* I have that familiar drowning feeling again, and that doesn't even coulnt what it will be like in a few weeks, when I have to go out of town for my last rotation, adding an hour or more commute in the am's and having to wait until after DH gets off at almost 9pm, before he can even come get me... I'll be lucky if I am home by 11pm each night, and gone by 4:30 the next morning. One day at a time, though. That's what I keep telling myself

How are you guys doing, I've missed a lot on lj, some days I don't even manage to log in. I am thinking of you, though.

My assigned research topic for special problems this semester is Autism and Immunization. It's really quite interesting, but also hard to develop, because one side is very logical, and scientifically supported, but it is arguing against a very emotional counterpoint.

I don't believe that there is a causal link between immunization and autism and the research overwhelmingly supports this, but like I said in my paper: while there may be no conclusive evidence of a link, the suggestion of risk to their children is enough for many parents to opt out of immunizations, especially when they don't understand or believe in the risks associated with NOT immunizing. It's hard, because I get their point of view, I do...

In fact, I would choose not to give certain immunizations to my child... (the new HPV vaccine, and the Chicken Pox vaccine,) for various reasons. But I belive that these parents have been misinformed and misled by people preying on their fears (or in the case of the study that sparked this panic, deceived by people who have since admitted that their conclusions were false and motivated by a conflict of interest.

But when parents have lost their child to SIDS, or their formerly happy, healthy child now has some serious neurological problems and they have been given a likely scapegoat, how can you convince them that it's just coincidence or "bad things just happen to good people for absolutely no reason".

It's tough....

I may publish my paper on my personal website when it's done, if anyone is interested. Or, heck, maybe even if no one is.

I am fast approaching graduation and the need to find a job. Luckily, my job is in high demand, and I can go just about anywhere, so I am looking for places to relocate.

So, tell me about where you live (Continental U.S, please). Is there a hospital/major medical center there? A college/university? Public transportation? Something else that makes it an awesome place to live (or you know, to be avoided at all costs)?


ps. I finished my Hematology rotation intact (grade pending), and my next rotation Immunohematology/Serology (aka Blood Bank) starts a week from Monday, again at St. B's (within walking distance!!!). Things are moving along.

( Wherein I ramble about manners )

What this is all leading up to, is that I committed a major faux pas today while trying to follow my 'manners' in a situation.

Three of us were having problems with our Hematology homework on bone marrow, and we went to my rotation supervisor, the Hematology Section Chief. She arranged it so that the on staff Histopathologist would review it with us. He did an awesome job, and the other two walked out after, without saying thank you, so I attempted to do so, and held out my hand to shake.

BIG mistake. He literally cringed back and muttered something like "swine flu". I had completely forgotten that I have a cold. (Though, I had just washed my hands.) There are signs everywhere about the flu, and swine flu and H1N1, and how you aren't supposed to come into work if you have flu-like systems, yadda. On the other hand, I couldn't take the day off just for a cold, and I am sneezy, coughy, etc. I have a cold.

I didn't know that when I had left the office briefly to go get a drink, he had wiped down everything behind me.

I apologized later, and told him that I had forgotten that I had a cold, and I had just wanted to thank him. He was quite gracious about it.

Still, there are no people more paranoid about germs and touching than health care workers, and apparently Pathologists are even more touchy than other people. (You sure hear some of the anecdotes that were told to me today after this...)

So, sometimes, "proper" manners, are a very 'improper' thing to follow :)

Oh, I posty-spamming person lately... but I just had a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I have to go back to my Hematology rotation on Monday, as I mentioned previously, and I was really, really worried about that, because I have always had a bit of trouble connecting with my supervisor and I really did screw up in the spring.

However, I have been sitting in Books-A-Million the last few hours, when I realized that C. (my supervisor) was standing over at the coffee shop, so I went over to talk to her (just friendly, hi, how's things kind of stuff). It went VERY well. She practically hugged me and seemed really happy that things were going well for me now, and really understanding.

Please forgive any bad things I have ever thought about her (we are probably just too much alike... lol). It is such a relief to know that Monday morning, I will be able to go in there with no extra stress, be able to review what I had done before and move on with a clean slate.

Thanks to whoever is looking out for me :)

I have adopted a word at Save the Words, and I will admit, that I went round and round, clicking on words until I saw mine. It was the example sentence that sold it for me:

adimpleate (v. to fill up) : Would you be so kind to adimpleate the vial with your urine sample?

Though, really, the first time I said that, (and likely the second and third and so on) I would be met with that 'huh? are you talking English' blank stare that I see often enough anyway, but it amuses me nonetheless.

I signed up for the word of the day as well. Have to study for the GRE.


ETA: To help you all learn this new vocabulary word, and foster its use - many words you can pick out their meaning from the roots and such, but this one may or may not be so readily apparent - but if you think about dimple, it's a hole or depression in something and the a- prefix usually means like not, or opposite, so the opposite of making a hole or depression is to fill one up... got it?

My on-line classes have gotten all fancy this semester. The previous program director/hematology professor retired last December, so someone new has stepped up. We do our on-line classes using Blackboard, which lets the professors post lectures and assignments, as well as tests and quizzes for students to do on their own time.

However, this semester, the professor's lectures are available as podcasts through my iTunes, with accompanying power point presentations. Fancy - and cool. He's even trying to work out a joint chat session so that we can ask questions and such.

Now, I just need to get the new book, as it is highly necessary, but I won't have my student loan until next month. I checked the library, but it's a new book, and they didn't even have a previous edition.

I do love the podcasts, even without the book to follow along, though, because I am an aural learner in part. My dyslexia makes it hard to just absorb facts while reading only.

First and most biggest whoop, I filed my intent to graduate today, all official like. I'm going to do it or die trying.

I went in and made nice with my advisors that haven't seen me since last spring sometime. I got very ill last April/May and was unable to finish my rotations/classes, and then disappeared for the entire summer, as I have mostly been in Missouri, as I described earlier. Which means I also did not take a rotation this summer.

Well, I have my three final rotations sort of scheduled now (see intent to graduate). At least, I am set up to finish my Hematology rotation beginning Monday. My advisor says that I owe him a cake. I have no idea what I am going to owe my supervisor. She and I just do not connect at all, but I have to make very, very nice, as this is a workplace in which I may wish future employment, and I left a bad impression in the spring (only after a very good one, which is I guess what is saving my butt), and because she didn't have to take me back, in which case I would have to redo the whole rotation instead of just half of it, and it would have been a bitch to schedule. So cake, and politically correct ass kissing, coming up...

Financial aid is another mixed bag of tricks. I have to file an appeal, because since I started college in 1991, I have now managed to surpass 12 semesters and am no longer eligible for financial aid. I have been told that I will be approved for an extension, pretty much guaranteed, because I only have 1 semester left (I took a 9 year leave of absence and then changed majors). However, the board doesn't meet until the 14th of September, which means I won't get my student loan for another month, and we really need the money. The delay actually works a bit in my favor, in that I have time to resolve my incompletes by then, so as not to jeopardize the appeal, but I can't buy my new hematology textbook.

I mentioned that I have two more rotations to do. They are microbiology and bloodbanking. However, I am pretty screwed in that I won't be able to do them in town. St. B's is closed to students the second 5 weeks due to their new LIS system, and Baptist doesn't like to take students, and there are at least two students ahead of me in the priority queu, because they have all travelled to other areas and I have not.

For those of you who are not aware - I don't drive - I don't like it, I don't do it. I have a driver's license but it's pretty meaningless. I graduated high school before I was old enough to drive, went to college a year, joined the Army, and then lived where public transportation and my feet (or a taxi) would take me wherever I needed to go. It is definitely one reason I am very much looking forward to moving out of the rural Arkansas/Missouri area. While I don't want to live in a big city, general public transportation and work within a 20-35 minute walk would be HUGE bonuses.

Oh let's see other ramblings - I got my transcript corrected today - raising my GPA!!! I am on the right course, even if it's going to be a lot of work, and I got some work done last night for the scrapbooking site I am working for.

/end rambling

ETA: Amazon Wishlist - hoping for Clinical Laboratory Hematology (2nd Edition) and Laboratory Management: Principles And Processes

I just applied for 5 jobs at 2 different hospitals, and could really use some thoughts, prayers and good wishes. Our financial situation has become dire, and I really need to get a new job. I would be happy with any of them, but I really want the one that is for a Student Tech in the Chemistry department of the hospital where I did my Chemistry rotation in January. I think I left a very favorable impression, except that I did not finish my Hematology rotation in April due to health issues. I need to get my butt in gear and do some school work, but have been having a very hard time of it, because I am so down about our finances.

Please, let this work out for me, because it could mean so much positive stuff for school, work, and my home life. I just need a bit of help. I am willing to work my ass off, if I get the chance. At this point I do not know if I can even return to school, and I am due to graduate in December. I need this so badly.

It's finals week and I barely have time to breathe, and yet I am horny as hell. I think I am ovulating (damn hormones!). Do you have any idea how hard it is to read dry medical texts while wanting to just rub yourself against your chair (at work no less).

So send me tittilating stuff to read in between Clinical chemistry, Pathophysiology, Bloodbanking, and Medical Micro, while I endeavor to study. Please.

[/TMI]

I tried to drabble, but I failed. I am too tired. While the semester isn't over for a few weeks, a lot of my classes are wrapping up this week - final projects and presentations due, etc. I also got a little behind the last few weeks, because I haven't felt well. I am working my butt off to get it all done. I still came home early today, instead of doing more peripheral blood smear differentials (I have 17 more to do by Friday). I am too tired to spend any more time with a microscope today.

I did get lab time scheduled for the microtome and staining lab. I got my sensitivity plates innocculated for Micro, did three hemocytometer counts and a 2-hour heinz body staining. I may work on my homework after a nap.

Still to do:
Study for 2 Micro exams
Study Fungi kodachrome slides
8 chapters of Clinical Chemistry (and 14 mini case studies)
3 chapters of Pathophysiology
Develop Lesson Plan for a Continuing Education presentation
Develop Powerpoint Presentation on "Preparing a Cytological Specimen for Periodic Acid Schiff (PAS) Staining"
17 peripheral blood smear differentials
Study for a bloodbanking exam
study for a hemotology exam
Complete 5 Antibody screens
2? type and screen case studies


I think that's it, but I'm not sure, I'll have to check my actual calender.

Happy Independence Day to my fellow Americans, and hey to everyone else.

I'm at work, so no fireworks or barbeque for me tonight, unless it's on tv, but that's ok, my tummy is still quite icky. But I am going to ramble a bit.

And music - there's music for you in it. Martina McBride's Independence Day which is awesome.

I don't really know what to say. I feel a little like i am failing at life, because I have so many responsibilities and no way to get them all done. My house is a disaster area right now, to the point that cleaning it seems like a fruitless exercise in masochism, especially since DH is no help at all at getting things done, and even less now that he is working a few hours a week. In all fairness, he is sick right now, too, but I am so tired of this. I am just so tired of everything. I hate that I missed school for being sick, because it is a summer term, and really short. I usually love the immersion of summer terms, but absences are a lot different in the main term, and I need to get A's in everything to keep my GPA going up.

Also, work sucks, especially when you feel icky, and will not work at all once I start my clinicals in the spring. *sigh* However, I am writing this from work, on my own laptop, using their Wi-Fi... so I giver them minor points for that at least.

But, you know for all of my whining, and that's what it all really boils down to... I have a job, I am working my way through school, and for all that it's a mess, I have a decent roof over my head, food in the fridge, etc. Life's not so bad, and I can see my own Independence in the not so far future. That's something to be thankful for.

Trying something new... I am still looking for something that will get me inspired to write something more than a snippet or drabblish type thing.

I think I am dealing with a minor depression and it's not great. I don't know what to do about it though. School starts up in just about a week. I am actually looking forward to that. I have even had some good news on that front. First, i found my textbook used for about $20, instead of $80. I also went in to talk with a financial aid counselor about the missed deadline, and he said that they can't deny me the Pell Grant that I had already been awarded, and hey, we have some extra non-traditional student grant money - why don't you have some... So instead of having to pay ~$700 this week, I only have to pay ~250 by the end of next month. That was my good news the other day.

Also, Leland has picked up some work at the college for the camps they are running. Right now, it is all going to pay the back premiums on his insurance from when he was off, so no pay and no unemployment, but our insurance won't get cancelled, and as soon as he is caught up that will be a little more money. Also, I got our tax return yesterday (finally) and was able to catch up on all of our bills. It's completely gone now, but my rent is up to date, so I figure that's fair. I am still hoping for our state return and that federal bonus everyone got last month.

As for the something new... Inspired by hp_tarot on IJ, I am thinking of using tarot cards/readings to influence my writing. I may use some of the various tarot/divination decks that I have at home, or the suggested on-line ones:

Façade.com
http://www.facade.com/tarot/

Llewellyn Web Tarot
http://www.llewellyn.com/free/tarot.php


Ok - so that's kind of scary... I drew a reading using the Llewellyn site, specifically for writing, thinking only about possible stories, and got a reading that can only be about myself and what's going on with me. It's too, too weird. Maybe this is why I am so blocked. may need to meditate on this and see what I can do to free up some creative energy.

Happy Solstice...

Despite my dire predictions yesterday, today I had an email from my instructor:
P.S. Don't worry about if you passed the final. No one made below a C on the exam. Someone asked me what weight the final carries on behalf of your grade--it is 30%. Hope this helps a lot of you!!

So, YEAH!!! Not quite as dire as I thought. Immunology and Serology is done for the semester. It's Mr. Payne (my advisor and a really great guy and teacher), so I'm not at all worried about my grade. Urinalysis and Body Fluids is over, and the class isn't a problem. I'm pretty sure I am near the top of that class. I'm only worried about the lab, and really, as long as I get a C in that 1 hour, (which doesn't seem to be an issue anymore, since I completed all of my assignments), I am good to go.

Clinical Chem, Molecular Diagnostics and Biochem will continue on-line until May, but no more on campus classes!!! (Days Off!!!!!)
Last I checked, I had the highest number of points for the Biochem class. Molecular Diagnostics has had 2 assignments, and Clin Chem is going well (lab = 88.5%, ~96% in the class portion, two A's are likely).

So, I am pretty happy about it all. i am already thinking ahead to this summer, and working out the rest of my degree plan.

For Now.... SPRING BREAK ....

So, a bunch of the jewelry stuff that I ordered arrived today. It is very pretty. I am just waiting on the crystal beads to arrive, but they are coming from overseas and will have to clear customs, so I figure another week or so for them. In the meantime, I am planning supply orders as money comes in, and setting goals.

The biggest one that I have is to save enough to pay for my summer tuition. If I don't I won't be able to attend, as my husband works at the college (but not for it) and likely will be laid off all summer, again. That means I need to raise $1800, because there are classes in my degree program that are only offered in the summer session, such as Parasitology.

As I mentioned, my eBay and jewelry stuff will be going to that goal. I am not going to count what I have spent so far, but everything I make or spend from now on will go toward my goal. (And I made a nice little visual to keep myself on track.)



I have about $200 worth of supplies that I want to order as soon as I get the money, and I have to replace my dremel, unfortunately, but I have some nice pieces planned/started. It is helping with my current level of depression to make things and accomplish things. I like that.


______________

Also, Spring Break is a few weeks away, which means some of my classes will be ending for the semester. That means more hours at work (which is good)....

That's all for now :)

I spent the afternoon photographing microscopic sections of Cricket Testis. How was your day?

With two days left to the deadline, I am considering another attempt at NaNoWriMo. It seems foolish as I am 0 for 3, and I have less time than ever lately, but I have faced the fact that as much as I love writing and the idea of being a writer, I don't do the "work" of being a writer. I write as inspiration takes, and many times a story doesn't make it from my head to the page even then, or I scribble down my outlines and plot ideas and they go nowhere, as if once the initial spark of inspiration is extinguished, I am unable to prop up the frame of the plot with support structures of words and chapters, let alone the decorative details of sub-plots and plot twists. I tell a fairly straight forward tale, or character vignettes capturing the moment, but if it doesn't flow seamlessly from my head to my fingers, I don't really know what to do, how to write.

I think I can fix it. I could even be a very good writer, but it is so difficult to work at it, when there are so many distractions and responsibilities pulling at me. I think it's just time to put up or shut up, and I think that's what NaNo means for me.

Of course, I'm a gemini, so I'm still wavering in my resolve.