The Story So Far...

Oct. 14th, 2009 02:34 am
lyssac: (Default)

My Ovusoft/TCOYF software has me pegged for ovulation for today, and I am filling in some of the gaps in my journal with the scribbles that I have been filling my notebooks in with lately. Here's a little of my personal history for those that are just starting to play along from home.


I began menstruating at age 10, accompanied by very heavy flow, migraines and very irregular, painful cycles; it sucked!!! I had an early miscarriage as a teen that I blocked out of my mind and chose to never think about again, except when this later became a recurring theme in my life. I had to visits to the ER, my freshman year of college for abdominal pain that was written off as nothing/indigestion and by the way you have a cyst on your ovary.


This was some of the worst times for me, and it wasn't even because of the infertility diagnosis, which I didn't even realize I was getting, but because it took so long and so much fighting on my part for anyone to acknowledge that anything was wrong.

I was in the Army at the time, and after being admitted to the hospital for menorraghia (extremely heavy bleeding, as if your insides are trying to get on your outside), and a doctor who was sure it was cancer until he opened my up and saw nothing but polycystic ovaies that he deemed unimportant. Several doctors and some very invasive tests later, a very nice Internal Medicine doctor looked at my records, my surgical report, and ordered a simple blood test (FSH/LH ratio) and I had a diagnosis, but no real explanation for my chronic pelvis pain.

I also experienced my first ruptured cyst (OMG owowowow!!!! and the subsequent removal from the barracks by the fire rescue squad, which kept my roommate and I from being AWOL from morning formation), continuing painful periods and migraines that would make me pretty much crawl in bed with narcotics and hide.

Trying to Conceive:

I learned some things about my body early. For example, while most women have trouble reestablishing fertility after BCP, I realized that I was MORE likely to ovulate that first month after BCP than any other time (I could feel it), and I was young, and not overly concerned about my fertility. It was one of the first things I discussed with the man who is now my husband, and he pretty much agreed to go with the flow as far as that was concerned in that while we used condoms in the beginning of our relationship, and I occasionally go on birth control pills to help my body relax or reset itself, we haven't used any form of reliable birth control in the twelve years we have been together.

I have experienced 3 pregnancies in that time: An unconfirmed miscarriage of twins in June 2002, my 2004 miscarriage, and my 2006 miscarriage. All 3 of those were naturally occuring and resulted in first trimester miscarriages. The last two had heartbeats on the ultrasound.

I take Metformin daily (850mg x3) along with insulin for diabetes, and in 2004-2005, I attempted to take Clomid (the prochieve protocol: Clomid days 3-7, Estradiol days 8-12, and Progesterone supplements from day 17 through to either menses or week 10 of pregnancy) and failed spectacularly to ovulate. I was determined to be resistant to Clomid.

We did attempt one adoption (of newborn triplets in 2004). It went badly. We have discussed it as a future possibility, but have made no further inquiries.

Current Status:

A lot of the time, I am ok with my status as infertile, and make plans for my life as it is, but I still harbor a small spark of hope that I will one day have a child in my life. Every so often (as in right now, when I am taking the time to update this journal so thoroughly, that spark flares up into a raging bonfire that can only be channeled into some pursuit of happiness.

I have no idea how the story ends.

The Final Countdown...

Apr. 4th, 2005 04:16 pm
lyssac: House giving Cuddy shot (ttc)

AF is due tomorrow. My temp actually went up this am, .2 above my highest to date. My temps have been a little weird this month.

I did take a test last night at DH's urging, even though I am only 11dpo. It was negative - I'm not really surprised. It has been a strange few days, though. I am having early pg symptoms - granted they all could have multiple explanations, and likely do mean something else.

Even if AF doesn't show tomorrow, I will have to give her a few days leeway because I have a short LP. FF has me testing tomorrow, but I will probably hold out til Wednesday at least.

... but I think this is going to be my last month actively TTC. I'm not going back to the dr, no more clomid (that doesn't work and just screws me up). I am going to work on losing some weight, getting into a little better shape, fixing up my house, maybe write a book.

I don't know why this is the deadline I set for myself, but I've felt it coming on for a bit. Maybe it's the anniversary of my last miscarriage... maybe it's just time.

I'll probably still hang out here, but I need to stop my baby obsession.

I may or may not chart, but I'm not going to worry about it. Maybe we'll have another surprose... maybe not.

It feels good. That's not to say that I'm not hoping for a BFP this month, but if it doesn't come, I am ready to move on.

I want to thank all of you who have helped support me this past year. You have all meant a lot to me, and I wish you guys luck on your ttc journey.

No Joy

Mar. 15th, 2005 10:37 pm
lyssac: House giving Cuddy shot (ttc)

The clomid is really not working for me. I am on CD21 and still no O again this month. I am upset. My gyn is supportive, but really not what I need. I don't think there is an RE nearby, and most likely not in-network for my insurance. It is so frustrating.

Wasted cycle... (ventish)

Feb. 1st, 2005 05:42 pm
lyssac: House giving Cuddy shot (ttc)

Well, looks like I am out of it already this month. I'm only on CD17, but I have enough experience to know that this cycle was a bust.... I didn't O, even with the clomid. I'll go in Friday for my progesterone test, to be sure, but I'm not starting the suppositories today like I was supposed to.

It will still be a long wait before I can try again. Even if the test from Friday proves I didn't ovulate, I will have to wait another two weeks before they consider provera to bring on my cycle.

That happened in my Oct-Dec cycle, but because we were planning the adoption and stuff, I ended up not taking it, and letting AF eventually come on her own.

I think I might do that this time too. I REALLY want a baby, and REALLY want to be PG right now, but I am stressed with the TTC stuff.

I don't just take clomid a couple of days a month - I am taking meds or testing or something once or twice a day, for just about every day of my cycle. If you thought charting was bad for promoting obsession with your body... I don't ever get to not think about it.

I think I need a break. DH has been saying so, too. I don't know if I am ready for another treatment cycle right now, but I guess I'll have time to think about it and whether I need a longer break.

I thinking I am in one of those mourning phases again, where I am about to accept this and move on...

Except, that's where I was last year this time, and then I got pregnant. My only problem with that scenario, is that because of my irregular cycles, I was 6 weeks pg before I figured it out last time - and shortly thereafter, I started having problems. They also say that progesterone suppliments are only helpful if you start taking them right after O and by 6 weeks or so, it is too late. That could mean that I end up in the same position all over again.

Dammit, why can't I just have a baby already.

(no subject)

Jan. 6th, 2005 02:19 am
lyssac: House giving Cuddy shot (ttc)

I got my 21-day pregesterone level results back Wed - 20.5 woohoo! a huge leap from last months 0.7....

So, yeah, I did ovulate (yes, virginia, there is a santa claus)

I went into the dr, today, though, because i was having some troubling symptoms, and wasn't sure what was up...

He told me to avoid any strenuous activity, that it could be from ovarian stimulation. While my ovaries aren't really enlarged (or no more than usual) my body isn't used to ovulating.

Of course, after he said that, I said that the discomfort had been worse when I when to bed last night, and we had DTD... :: sigh ::

I am only 9dpo, and as such in that limbo that even if I might be, I am not officially pregnant. Is he being over cautious, or is this par for the course with someone with my history of recurrent miscarriages, and ovarian problems.... he did put me on pelvic rest at the first sign of problems last pregnancy.

Any advice?

but hey, honestly, I will do what ever it takes to bring a healthy baby to term... I hope this month is it for us.

Prochieve Protocol - Cycle 2

Jan. 2nd, 2005 01:28 am
lyssac: House giving Cuddy shot (ttc)

Monday, I go in for my progesterone blood test to confirm ovulation. I am pretty sure it will be good, as I had a positive OPK last Sunday. I have been on some form of medication or testing, everyday this cycle (or twice a day) it seems. I hope that it is all doing something.

I have another week to ten days before I will know, one way or the other (provided I get good results from Monday's blood work). My fingers are crossed.

Test Results

Nov. 22nd, 2004 06:14 pm
lyssac: House giving Cuddy shot (ttc)

Well, at least I had some good news yesterday. Today wasn't so good. I got my bloodwork back from last week. I had to take a 21-day progesterone test, to see if I ovulated on the fertility meds. I knew that I hadn't but still....

My levels were low, very low. I didn't get a number - but hey, figure pretty much non-existent. My doctor has no hope of me getting my period this month, and figures that I will have to use Provera to bring it on, so that I can try this all over again.

I didn't have to ask about upping the meds though (which I wanted). The nurse kindly informed me that there was no other option.

Apparantly, not only did I fail this round of treatment, I did so quite spectacularly. Yeah me (:: insert sarcasm::)

Ready to try again...

Oct. 6th, 2004 06:57 pm
lyssac: House giving Cuddy shot (ttc)

Ok, I really like my doctor. We don't always agree 100% and he has definite ideas about things, but I really feel like he listens and is supportive.

I went in today to see about starting Clomid....

First of all, the nurse is great, I talked to her the other day about my cycle and about seeing the dr, and she must have written it all down after I left, because they knew what cycle day I was on and everything...

He agreed to start the Clomid and check on my progesterone later, but then changed his mind.

I'm going to take Clomid (50 mg) days 3-7, Estradiol days 8-12, and Progesterone supplements from day 17 through to either menses or week 10 of pregnancy.

He'll check on day 21 to see if I have ovulated, if not he'll up the Clomid for the next cycle. He'll give me 6 months, then its off to the RE.

I'm so glad that he is treating me aggressively, and that he and his staff are so completely supportive. After all of these years being ignored and told that it's "all in your head" or it's my fault because I'm overweight, it is such a blessing to have someone who listens and communicates.

I almost can't wait for this cycle to be over, so that we can do it already... :)