End of the Road...

Aug. 19th, 2006 09:08 pm
lyssac: (pregnancy)
[personal profile] lyssac

I'm eleven weeks pregnant today, except that I'm not. I went into the ER tonight. It was trivial, really. I haven't been feeling well, been crampy, and today I had a lot of discharge with some blood in it, so DH wanted me to go in, and I didn't argue too hard.

My HCG is still high, but not as high as it would be for 11 weeks. The baby is measuring 7-8 weeks, and there was no fetal heart tones. It is unlikely that this is just a case of mistaken dates with that large of a margin, especially since four weeks ago, I had a six week fetus with heart beat.

I have to call on Monday for a follow-up appointment with an OB, where they may repeat the u/s, but it looks like this is the end.

It's just like last time - my increased "morning sickness" was really a sign that my pregnancy was failing, not thriving, that small percent that you hear of losing the baby after a heart beat is detected - once again, that's me. I'm 0-4 and really not happy about it. I don't know how to do this again. I don't know how to keep doing it. I don't want to give up my dream, but I guess it's really not meant to be.

I haven't called my family, yet, and to be honest, I am really not ready to. I'm so tired.

dang it once again!

Date: 2006-08-20 02:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] emeralddawnn.livejournal.com
My prayers are with you and Leland.. This is just not fair to you and I can tell how much you would love to have a baby of your own. Wish there was something I could say that could take the pain away but there really isnt. I am here for you if yuod like to talk. big hugs.. Course you know all too well what all it means. O-4? Its just not right.

Date: 2006-08-20 02:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elmyraemilie.livejournal.com
Oh, sweetheart. I am so very sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself.

Date: 2006-08-20 04:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] polarthestral.livejournal.com
I'm really hoping you're wrong but I'm so sorry if you're right. My thoughts are with you, girl.

Date: 2006-08-20 05:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] polly-b.livejournal.com
I'm so so sorry.

Date: 2006-08-20 07:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] danamulder.livejournal.com
Oh, no. :( I'm so, so sorry, Lyssa. That doesn't make it right and it doesn't make it better, but I truly am. I wanted this for you so much, because I know how much you wanted it.

*hugs* I will keep you in my prayers and hope that if there's any way everything can be all right that it will be.

Date: 2006-08-20 09:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xanthelj.livejournal.com
I'm so sorry to hear this, Lyssa. It's so very sad. I'll be thinking about you. I hope that one day everything will come out right for you.