The Story So Far...

Oct. 14th, 2009 02:34 am
lyssac: (Default)


My Ovusoft/TCOYF software has me pegged for ovulation for today, and I am filling in some of the gaps in my journal with the scribbles that I have been filling my notebooks in with lately. Here's a little of my personal history for those that are just starting to play along from home.

Pre-diagnosis:

I began menstruating at age 10, accompanied by very heavy flow, migraines and very irregular, painful cycles; it sucked!!! I had an early miscarriage as a teen that I blocked out of my mind and chose to never think about again, except when this later became a recurring theme in my life. I had to visits to the ER, my freshman year of college for abdominal pain that was written off as nothing/indigestion and by the way you have a cyst on your ovary.

Diagnosis:

This was some of the worst times for me, and it wasn't even because of the infertility diagnosis, which I didn't even realize I was getting, but because it took so long and so much fighting on my part for anyone to acknowledge that anything was wrong.

I was in the Army at the time, and after being admitted to the hospital for menorraghia (extremely heavy bleeding, as if your insides are trying to get on your outside), and a doctor who was sure it was cancer until he opened my up and saw nothing but polycystic ovaies that he deemed unimportant. Several doctors and some very invasive tests later, a very nice Internal Medicine doctor looked at my records, my surgical report, and ordered a simple blood test (FSH/LH ratio) and I had a diagnosis, but no real explanation for my chronic pelvis pain.

I also experienced my first ruptured cyst (OMG owowowow!!!! and the subsequent removal from the barracks by the fire rescue squad, which kept my roommate and I from being AWOL from morning formation), continuing painful periods and migraines that would make me pretty much crawl in bed with narcotics and hide.

Trying to Conceive:

I learned some things about my body early. For example, while most women have trouble reestablishing fertility after BCP, I realized that I was MORE likely to ovulate that first month after BCP than any other time (I could feel it), and I was young, and not overly concerned about my fertility. It was one of the first things I discussed with the man who is now my husband, and he pretty much agreed to go with the flow as far as that was concerned in that while we used condoms in the beginning of our relationship, and I occasionally go on birth control pills to help my body relax or reset itself, we haven't used any form of reliable birth control in the twelve years we have been together.

I have experienced 3 pregnancies in that time: An unconfirmed miscarriage of twins in June 2002, my 2004 miscarriage, and my 2006 miscarriage. All 3 of those were naturally occuring and resulted in first trimester miscarriages. The last two had heartbeats on the ultrasound.

I take Metformin daily (850mg x3) along with insulin for diabetes, and in 2004-2005, I attempted to take Clomid (the prochieve protocol: Clomid days 3-7, Estradiol days 8-12, and Progesterone supplements from day 17 through to either menses or week 10 of pregnancy) and failed spectacularly to ovulate. I was determined to be resistant to Clomid.

We did attempt one adoption (of newborn triplets in 2004). It went badly. We have discussed it as a future possibility, but have made no further inquiries.

Current Status:

A lot of the time, I am ok with my status as infertile, and make plans for my life as it is, but I still harbor a small spark of hope that I will one day have a child in my life. Every so often (as in right now, when I am taking the time to update this journal so thoroughly, that spark flares up into a raging bonfire that can only be channeled into some pursuit of happiness.

I have no idea how the story ends.

Moving on...

May. 8th, 2004 02:13 am
lyssac: (baby)


Well, It's almost a month later and things are starting to look better. I was really depressed for a while, but as much so any more. I am starting to heal; I am just trying to find my place again.

I watched ER last night. One of the main characters had a miscarriage/stillborn child. It was really sad and hurt to watch, kind of like a kick in the chest, but it wasn't in the wrenching way it would have been a few weeks ago -- more in an "I understand that" kind of way.

I also want to say thanks to everyone who was so supportive.

Dr. Appt.

Mar. 31st, 2004 05:16 am
lyssac: (journal)


I went in to see the doctor Tues. He did an exam and an u/s. Everything looked good. He gave me some meds for pain and to help my uterus contract. He said that we can begin trying again this cycle, if we wish.

It's Over...

Mar. 28th, 2004 01:02 am
lyssac: (pregnancy)


It's finally over. I lost my baby tonight.

There has been a lot of pain, physically and emotionally. I've been cramping and such the last few days, and probably will be for a few more.

I kind of knew what to expect because I have been through this before (2 previous early miscarriages), but this is the first time things had gone this far, or that I was being seen by a doctor, and then there was the u/s...

It was so hard, having seen and heard my baby's heartbeat and then to have been told he was gone, and yet waiting and waiting for it to be over.

Now, it is and there is some peace - a lot of sadness - but a little peace, too.

First Ultrasound

Mar. 11th, 2004 04:14 pm
lyssac: (pregnancy)


I had some problems last night with spoting and cramping, so I called the Dr today, and they fit me in for an ultrasound and visit today, instead of next week.

Well, it's mostly good news, but not all.

We saw the baby (kind of) and it is settled into the uterus and my cervix is closed.

It measured small - at only 6w 1d +/- 2 days, rather than 7w 3d (as of LMP). We kind of expected this, though, because of my irregular cycles.

The not so good news is that the amount of the fluid around the baby is low and the heartbeat was only 109bpm. (It was nice to hear it, though)

I am on pelvic rest and he wants to see me again for an ultrasound on the 23rd, to check that I am progressing.

I am still worried, but not as scared. I hope everything works out. Looks like we are in line for a Halloween baby after all.

So tired...

Mar. 5th, 2004 11:20 am
lyssac: (baby)


I haven't had many symptoms at all so far, except I am tired all of the time.

I started cleaning up and reorganizing my office yesterday. I plan on taking it a room at a time and ending up with the nursery. it is kind of slow going and I am taking a lot of breaks, but it is good to get organized.

Somewhere I have some material and a nursery pattern set. I might make some of the baby stuff myself, but I have to find it. I don't have a sewing machine though. It would definitely be worth it to get one. My friend Kara made a lot of her own maternity clothes and they were really cute. Wal-Mart always has different materials on clearance.

I did see some really good deals for baby clothes on ebay. I can't afford them right now and it is a little early to be buying them, but it is good to know, and I'll keep an eye out.

I also signed up for some free stuff on-line and some magazines for pregnant mothers.

I am so totally into this pregnancy. It's great. I am looking forward to the next seven months.

Starting to *feel* pregnant...

Mar. 4th, 2004 03:20 pm
lyssac: (pregnancy)


I am finally starting to feel like I am pregnant. For the last two weeks, I have mainly felt pre-menstrual. That is easing off a bit now. I still have some cramping, and am starting to get a bit of nausea, but no morning sickness, thankfully.

Last night, we called my mother-in-law and my grandmother to tell them the good news. We are probably going to send out little announcement cards, but I think that I am going to wait until after my ultrasound on 3/17, to make sure everything is ok.

I am so happy, but also a bit panicked. There is so much to do, and then I'll have this wonderful little person to take care of.....