The Story So Far...

Oct. 14th, 2009 02:34 am
lyssac: (Default)
[personal profile] lyssac

My Ovusoft/TCOYF software has me pegged for ovulation for today, and I am filling in some of the gaps in my journal with the scribbles that I have been filling my notebooks in with lately. Here's a little of my personal history for those that are just starting to play along from home.

Pre-diagnosis:

I began menstruating at age 10, accompanied by very heavy flow, migraines and very irregular, painful cycles; it sucked!!! I had an early miscarriage as a teen that I blocked out of my mind and chose to never think about again, except when this later became a recurring theme in my life. I had to visits to the ER, my freshman year of college for abdominal pain that was written off as nothing/indigestion and by the way you have a cyst on your ovary.

Diagnosis:

This was some of the worst times for me, and it wasn't even because of the infertility diagnosis, which I didn't even realize I was getting, but because it took so long and so much fighting on my part for anyone to acknowledge that anything was wrong.

I was in the Army at the time, and after being admitted to the hospital for menorraghia (extremely heavy bleeding, as if your insides are trying to get on your outside), and a doctor who was sure it was cancer until he opened my up and saw nothing but polycystic ovaies that he deemed unimportant. Several doctors and some very invasive tests later, a very nice Internal Medicine doctor looked at my records, my surgical report, and ordered a simple blood test (FSH/LH ratio) and I had a diagnosis, but no real explanation for my chronic pelvis pain.

I also experienced my first ruptured cyst (OMG owowowow!!!! and the subsequent removal from the barracks by the fire rescue squad, which kept my roommate and I from being AWOL from morning formation), continuing painful periods and migraines that would make me pretty much crawl in bed with narcotics and hide.

Trying to Conceive:

I learned some things about my body early. For example, while most women have trouble reestablishing fertility after BCP, I realized that I was MORE likely to ovulate that first month after BCP than any other time (I could feel it), and I was young, and not overly concerned about my fertility. It was one of the first things I discussed with the man who is now my husband, and he pretty much agreed to go with the flow as far as that was concerned in that while we used condoms in the beginning of our relationship, and I occasionally go on birth control pills to help my body relax or reset itself, we haven't used any form of reliable birth control in the twelve years we have been together.

I have experienced 3 pregnancies in that time: An unconfirmed miscarriage of twins in June 2002, my 2004 miscarriage, and my 2006 miscarriage. All 3 of those were naturally occuring and resulted in first trimester miscarriages. The last two had heartbeats on the ultrasound.

I take Metformin daily (850mg x3) along with insulin for diabetes, and in 2004-2005, I attempted to take Clomid (the prochieve protocol: Clomid days 3-7, Estradiol days 8-12, and Progesterone supplements from day 17 through to either menses or week 10 of pregnancy) and failed spectacularly to ovulate. I was determined to be resistant to Clomid.

We did attempt one adoption (of newborn triplets in 2004). It went badly. We have discussed it as a future possibility, but have made no further inquiries.

Current Status:

A lot of the time, I am ok with my status as infertile, and make plans for my life as it is, but I still harbor a small spark of hope that I will one day have a child in my life. Every so often (as in right now, when I am taking the time to update this journal so thoroughly, that spark flares up into a raging bonfire that can only be channeled into some pursuit of happiness.

I have no idea how the story ends.
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