Oct. 25th, 2009

Forget the Rabbit, Is the Cat Dead?

Oct. 25th, 2009 11:31 pm
lyssac: House giving Cuddy shot (ttc)


The two week wait of obsession and dread - Am I pregnant? Is it too soon to test? What about implantation bleeding? Go to any fertility/ttc support board and you will find millions of questions like this from newbies and veterans who should know better.

My boobs are sore; I know because I've been mashing on them all day, and they weren't sore yesterday, so it must be a sign. My mucus turned flourescent pink; does this mean I'm going to have a girl?


Ok, so I am not exactly innocent of the charges. In fact, last May, I purposely recorded every single one of my crazy 'symptoms' to catalog exactly what I was feeling when I wasn't pregnant, to remind myself of the crazy making. I think it's because for those two blissful weeks of hell, it's the ultimate balancing act of the ttc experience. You're not pregnant - but, you could be.

It's this weird psychosis (that I have) I think... if I test and it's negative then I'll feel really stupid and then AF will show up. If I don't test, I'm like a pregnant version of Schrodinger's cat. lalala - not pregnant, not pregnant... ooops, really!!! AF still hasn't shown.... hmm. Meanwhile I read all about pregnancy and pretend to make a registry that I'll never need and generally do wacky things until AF puts me out of my misery.

It's not over until the witch shows, every assures you, and you long to believe it. Sometimes your denial progresses even further, 'oh, but so and so still got her period and was 3 months pregnant!!1111!1' so it could still be possible!

There is so much potential that it is hard not to get caught up in it - if you don't look, if you don't know the truth, Schrodinger's cat is both alive and dead at the same time, and as such is really neither. If I don't test (and even if I do), I don't know, and so I can imagine that I am, that I might be pregnant, even as I know that I'm not.

Hey, bet all those people who think getting pregnant isn't rocket science wouldn't believe that it's quantum physics instead.

March 2010

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